The No. 41

I am old. Not really old, but older than last year. What can I expect? As I press the letters on the keyboard, I know that I am getting older. Each blink of an eye, I get older and older. It's not that I'm afraid to get old. In fact, I am happy. Happy to be alive still. Happy to be typing now, and saying that I am old.

I woke up, feeling the excitement, surging inside me. I took a glance at the clock and saw that it was exactly 8:06 in the morning. This was the time when I was born, fourteen years ago.

Well, some birthday did I have. I celebrated it with my closest friends. After we ate lunch, we went to the mall and did some window-shopping. We also watched, The White House, starred by Gaby Concepcion. It was a great movie.

Anyway, this day has been GREAT. No wonder, the Lord has been good to me. Always.

Some would say that I've grown taller. Some would say I haven't changed, while some say I have. Aurora says that I should have a brand new life. Well, I guess I should. I am old, anyway.

No turning back...

Why is it like that when I promised to say 'NO', it ended with a 'YES'? Why is it that I don't stick with promises to myself? Oh, I definitely told myself last year, that I would never do such a thing again. But, why does it keep happening? Why? Why? Why? Could it be....destiny? No. It could not be. It could never be.

So, now, I'm stuck with it. For the meantime again. It's my fault anyway. So, I have to deal with it. I have to face it. No turning back. Although, the feeling is entirely different now. It IS really waiting for my death.

Thank God it's Friday!

Friday. The sixth day every week makes me feel relaxed. Yes, that's the word that completely describes Friday. A hectic week was what I experienced. It was a week of shock, surprise, frustration, happiness, and sorrow.

Friday changes my perception about life. Sundays, Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays are a burden to me. Friday tells me that life is easy. No need to rush. No need to stress. All I need to do is to procrastinate. In fact, there are two days after Friday. So, I have lots of time to do my assignments.

Friday is a day of fun, of relaxation, of removing myself from stress. Friday tells me that I should not lose hope. So, what I am doing now, aside from blogging, is watching T.V., reading a book, feeding the hamsters and so far, procrastinating. Oh, I love that word.

Anyway, as my friend, Aurora said awhile ago, I just need to relax. I know, I've repeated "relax" so many times already, but repeating it, makes me smile. It's 10:43 on my clock now. I have less than 48 hours to do my assignments. That is a long time....so, why bother?

A typical Sunday

The sun crept into my eyelids and law and behold it was a new day. At first, I thought, it was a Saturday because yesterday we had our last day of exams. But today's Sunday, even if I like it or not. This means tomorrow I go to school again, right? This means I have to face my scores. Oh, I'll be crucified! The only thing that urges me to go to school tomorrow is because of what the whole high school community will be doing in the afternoon. Something exciting and valuable.

Anyway, this day is just the usual Sunday every weekend. Waking up, going to Mass, having lunch, watching T.V., blogging, reading, eating, sleeping, surfing the net, cramming for assignments. Except that there are no assignments for tomorrow. It's 3: 15 now, and I'm thinking of something worthy to post.

Since 10:30 in the morning, I've watch hundreds of movies. Well, okay, just two. Anyhow, they made my head dizzy. The first movie I watched, together with my sisters was Pride and Prejudice. Oh, I've watched this movie for the hundredth time and it wasn't boring at all. (I've read the book too by Jane Austen.) Why would I be bored when Mr. Darcy is there, looking handsome and dashing? Plus, he is such a gentleman. Would someone be bored of him? No way. If someone would, that person is just out of her mind. This movie I'd watched were starred by Keira Knightley (!), Mathhew Macfadyen, Brenda Blethyn, Donald Sutherland, and Judi Dench.

The second movie I watched was Ratatouille in Disney channel. I've watched this for a thousand times. Probably, you've watched it too, so I don't need to describe it at all.

Now, my youngest sister, Regine is listening to the main theme in The Lovely Bones movie. It is entitled Alice by Cocteau Twins. I don't know who they are but their song is good, and it's pretty creepy. She's recording it now in our camera. She's practically gaga over it.

Okay, now, I don’t know what to say next, because I’m thinking of what to do next. I’m thinking whether to start the script or to read. Either way it is.

To end, I am just glad that a hectic week is over. I know I’ve said this a thousand times, but it’s just so good to say it. Now, this week will single me out. This is the week where I’ll know the fruit of my works. This is it.

Finally!

Finally, finally, finally. It has ended. I gotta say it was a hard week for me. Well, for everyone too. Before anything else, the exams today were easy, but it was very long. My neck aches so much and my eyes weary of looking at words and numbers.

After three days of cramming, of memorizing and understanding, of making my head explode, of making me go absolutely crazy because of deadlines, I am surprised that I came out...alive.

For me, this is a big goal I've ever achieved. It's not that great, but it means something. Something so important. Something that means I'm not giving up. Something that means I'm strong. Okay, I know I'm overreacting, but it's true! Something has changed in me and that's it. Well, because for one reason, if I really feel that I can't take this or that any longer, I easily give up. I would sometimes go to a corner and cry all by myself. I just practically cry because of a little thing and so, they call me a "cry baby". But that's waaay back in time. Now, things have changed; I've also changed. I was able to face it like a woman. Finally!

The List

Fact one. Arrived at school early. Well, exactly 7:15. At least: GOOD.

Fact two. Thanks to the calculator, Statistics was easy: GOOD.

Fact three. I did not fell asleep during the tests, despite that I slept late last night: GOOD.

Fact four.Social Studies was...quite easy because this is the subject I've studied for seven hours: GOOD.

Fact five. I think I'll fail in CLE: BAD.

Fact six. But mostly, Biology! BAD. VERY BAD.

Anyway, I'm glad that the GOOD outnumbered the BAD. But somehow that made the two BADs even worse. Especially the last one.

To make the BAD three, I've not studied yet in any subject for tomorrow. What a wondeful me...

Torturous Day 1...

Whew. The first day is done. How do I feel? I feel exhausted. It's as if I joined a triathlon. I've just finished eating lunch and I feel like eating more.

The tests were really hard, especially Biology. I was not able to finish some parts of the test, so I feel like I'm waiting for my death. Oh, God, what would be my score? All I could do now is pray hard that my score would not be depressing. I really hope it would not be, because I've wasted my time last night just to understand what the book is talking about. Even if I studied it scrupulously, I felt that the words in the test paper were from a different language.

Math was no exception. When I was reviewing last night, I realized that Math was easy. It's just a game. You have to know the rules, to play it well. But, today, when I looked at the test paper, my jaw dropped. "I know...this. I know this. I know this." I said while clicking my ball pen for the umpteenth time. I was lucky, because I remembered some rules. But in the other parts, it felt like I was attacked by amnesia.

In Journalism, I was able to breathe normally. It was easy and at the same time hard. All you need to do is to analyze and to use your common sense.

Anyway, I am glad that "Day 1" is done. I hope I'll not procrastinate again. And to my classmates and schoolmates, let's brace ourselves for "Day 2".

I am me!

Black hair, black round eyes with long lashes, this girl is tall and plump. Impatient, demanding, irritable, shy, noisy, quiet, funny, serious, fierce, a worrier, loving, caring, smart, proud, sad, happy, talented, beautiful, vain, happy-go-lucky, and most of all crazy.

Once, when she was young, she embarrassed herself in a formal party, by licking the plate in front of all her relatives.
Once, she even threw up in a boat with people she didn't know.
Once, she was afraid to take a slide in the playground.
Once, she hurt herself, by hitting a pole, because she was not looking at where she was going to.
Once, she was almost hit by a car.
Once, she was afraid to speak in front of her classmates, and ended up crying.
Once, she was so proud and confident of herself, that she tripped onto a large stone.
Once, she hurt someone she loved the most.
Always, she is late.

This is me. I am who I am. Nothing and nobody can change that. I simply love myself!

Life Law Two: You create your own experience.

I create my own experience. Yes, I do. This could mean wanting particular events to happen, such as, to succeed or fail. But this could also mean creating my own experience to solve the mystery of why my role in life is what it is.

I ask myself now, how do I treat myself? Of course, I treat myself with care. I don't eat foods that are too salty, or too sweet. I don't drink soft drinks either. Well, probably sometimes, but not always. I take a bath twice everyday. Or thrice. I don't hurt myself with sharp objects. (How could I?) I brush my teeth after every meal. I take in vitamins. But I don't do exercises.

Now, how do I treat myself emotionally and spiritually? Uh-oh. Uh-oh because this is sort of hard. But, I know that I am emotionally healthy. I always laugh at crazy things and I am happy. In fact, I am crazy. If I am depressed, blame the report card. Spiritually? Well, I'll say it's almost. But, at times, I don't pray with feelings because basically I pray memorized prayers. Usually, I fell asleep during prayer time. I don't know what's the matter with me but what I know is, is that the prayers, the voices, lulls me to sleep.

Why am I blogging this? Well, of course, in creating my own experience, I need to include God. With including, I meant God should be the center of my life. No one else. I know falling asleep during prayer time is bad and disrespectful and so, I want to change it. With God, I'll be guided. Protected. Cared. Loved.

I create my own experience by making a statement to the world, through my attitude and appearance. This would be my response to the world.

Life Law One: You either get it or you don't.

Have you ever worked hard for something you really want to get? Well, if you did, I, on the other hand, did not.

When I was younger, I was constantly on the top three of our class. My goal: Top one. On the fourth quarter, we had lots of exams. Did I study? Hell, no. For I know, I will not fail. I'm smaaart. I'll just play my Barbie dolls and watch "Tom and Jerry". I believe in my own self.

I realized in the end, that I was wrong. Of course, I was. I ended up in the fourth place. That's what I get for being
L-A-Z-Y.

Lesson learned now: It depends on me, whether I want to succeed or fail. I shall not blame anyone for the things I did. Only me and only myself is the one to blame. For now, I want to discover and use the huge power to change my life. Well, not entirely my life. But only the bad, unnecessary things I've done. I should know how to play the game so that I'll not be stuck. I'll not be someone who is forced or pushed to do something. I, myself, will be the one to push myself to get what I want and need.

I want to become someone who gets it.