"The Little Devil"

Star, my lola's pug, is the most naughtiest dog we've ever had. He's been our dog for a year now. And he has not changed a bit. He's still the dog who will never give up to get one's slippers and will eat anything that he can sense delicious. He always bites the hem of my tita's daster and the maong pants of manong Johnny. He tears anything, even the poison box for the cockroaches. Eww. He can even pull a six-foot Christmas tree down. In short, he's branded as "The Little Devil".

And I for one can say that in some ways, I've been naughty and bad as a pug. So, when the next year comes, maybe I would change and stop being a "little devil".

Nights Without Forty Winks part 2

I did not have any dream that night. It was just blank. All I could see was an inky blackness. But I could sleep peacefully. Then, I felt myself standing up. I knew I was sleeping and walking at the same time. Join the two words, I was sleepwalking that time. But I could not do anything. I could not wake myself up. It's as if I was controlled. Then, I remembered myself picking up my jewelry boxes and going to the bathroom. I showered myself with water, regardless of the fact that I was still robed, from head to toe in my pyjamas. I had put shampoo on my head and did not care to rinse it off. I just went back to my room, together with my jewelry boxes. I slept again with my hair in shampoo and beside me were the jewelry boxes. The next morning, I was not surprised with my hair dried in shampoo and the jewelry boxes opened. The shower too was left opened.

Gosh, I had no idea why I did those things. This was the second time I had sleepwalked.

Top 10 things of Vacays

10. School is out!

9. There are no homeworks that make you tired.

8. There are no tests that make you cry.

7. You don't have to wake up early.

6. You don't have to run and scream for things.

5. You can eat all day long.

4. There are lots of food in the refrigerator.

3. You don't have to worry about a lot of things.

2. Great to bond with the family!

But the Top 1 on my list is:

1.You can certainly be relaxed.

Nothing's Changed

From the vast and lush fields of Iloilo to the gray Manila city, I was dumbfounded. Relieved. Stressed. Nothing's Changed. From the tall trees to the tall buildings and skyscrapers, from the clean air to the not-so-clean air, from the not-so-many cars to the thousands of honking cars, from the clean streets to the dirty streets, I was, well, I can't believe it. I am here! Yeah, back from the city where I was born. From the city where I've lived all my life. After seven months of staying in Iloilo, I can't help to kiss all of our things here in Manila. So good to be back. I've really missed Manila very much. Anyway, it's still the same, old Manila, I have cherished and love. Tomorrow, I will be visiting the places I've never visited in the past seven months.

Noooo!

...the kind of look I have had the past two months...

Too Good To Be True

You know what? Today, I realized something. That something is the best thing I've ever felt. It's called, Freedom. What a wonderful word that is! Seeing that word, makes me relax and carefree. Lack of restrictions and just being me, these are what I want. Happy I am, for I achieved such things. I feel so happy. I am so glad that the frenzied months are over. All the late-night studying, the overtime practices, the everything tiring is done. I'm not a caged bird anymore. As if, I was a bird. Anyway, I can sleep for a hundred years if I want to. I can eat 999, 999 bars of chocolate for a day. I can watch movies and just well do anything I liked. Scream, jump, dance, sing, evrything good and nice. Whew! What a relief! This is what I've been asking for. To be free.

Yup. It is too good to be true.

These are what I realized....

I cannot accept defeat. Mind you, that was at first. I have to admit I felt it was more like the end of the world. It was the end of the universe. Yes, we did not win. And it hurts so bad that sometimes I thought my heart would break. Ha! I just realized I am with manic-depression. Anyway, what’s done is done. We put our best foot forward but it was not enough. Now, as I reminisce the events that happened these past months, I can’t help but feel glad. Much more than glad. Happy. Happier that I’ve ever felt before. I felt so much better, that everything is so over. The play festivals passed like a blur. But it left a mark on me. It made me realize many things. It made me see the possibilities in the impossibilities. It made me have a positive outlook in life. It made me appreciate the talents that I have and to marvel at the talents of others. Time, is in fact, precious, and should not be wasted. All my life, I felt that I have a lot of time before me. Until now, that is how I feel. Often, I would just procrastinate. I would not mind that the clock ticks by and by. But bit by bit, the play festival taught me that life is too short. One time I was just doing the script together with my friends. The next moment I was on stage, portraying my role. It was all so surreal.

The play festival made me understand my classmates. In fact, they became my inspiration. I still remembered that first day of school. The day that I branded as the “Saddest Day of the year” separated me from my closest friends. I was made to sit on a chair inside a classroom I am not familiar of and classmates that I considered as, “Strangers”. I was wrong with judging them, thinking that our play would not be successful. Ever. Talk about a Hasty Generalization. Now, it made me realize that my classmates are stars that shine brightly in the night sky. They are all so special and important. Unique. Incomparable. Simply Extraordinary. I also understood our adviser. I misjudged her too, actually. She kept us all together. She was there for us in good times or in bad. Yes, at times, I would despise her and hate her. But, the things she had done were all for us, her class. Most of all, the play festival taught me not to give up. To hold on. To persevere with what we are doing. When I was on the verge of quitting, someone pulled me up and said, “Don’t quit. I am here to help you. We will finish this together as father and daughter.” And yes, he was always right. With the help of the people around me and with God’s help, I finished what I started.

RECAP. part 4

One week has passed since our triumphant TDR. This is it. This is the day. No turning back. Just keep moving forward. Waking up early that day was not a grievance to me. At five in the morning, I thought I was late already. I felt so eager that day. Yet too much excitement did not hinder nervousness. It ate me up. When I reached school at past six, my classmates were wearing their costumes and make-up already. Ms. Layson was already there too. Wow, they really are excited. I kept looking at our class clock, counting the time left. Two hours and a half to go. I tried to uplift my spirits and calm myself with encouraging words, but when I looked at my classmates, they were all agitated. Probably, the level of tension and stress was to the max.

Okay, Stage Fright visited me while I was on stage. Of course it did. I suddenly wished that I was at home just watching T.V. I felt my cheeks burning red. Head throbbing, I felt my stomach, swarming with different insects. I felt nauseated. The spotlight burned my eyes. I was panicking. I was having a hard time. A very hard time. But I did not dare show it to the audience or else our play will flunked. I just kept that all inside. Outside, I showed a person with confidence. But, inside, I was shaking like a leaf. Talk about being afraid by ghosts. My classmates were like that too. We were all like that until the end of our play. Everything was going smoothly as it was planned. Our actors were very good with their voice projection and with their acting. Our technical effects were going well when suddenly, the technical people became confused because there was a change in technical script. The curtains were opened, and closed repeatedly. Then, we blamed each other. Got angry with one another. Some were crying. We told ourselves that we can’t do this anymore. But some were hopeful. And “some” would be Ms. Layson only. She kept telling us to keep moving forward and not stick with the past. The backstage was noisy. I peeked outside the curtains and saw that some were dozing to sleep. They were bored. I would not let them feel this way. My classmates would not too. So, hand in hand, we worked the other scenes that were left and we did our best not to repeat the same mistakes again. When the last scene ended, we were all in the center stage, bowing to the audience, happily. However, in the inside, we feared the outcome. But it was all done. What a relief!

RECAP. part 3

The TDR

It has come. The day I was dreading too much. First, I was glad that we did not have regular classes that day. The whole morning was just used for preparation. The afternoon was our TDR. I still remember, my classmates’ faces looking anxious and excited at the same time. Even in my dreams, I kept repeating my lines over and over again. To be brutally honest, I haven’t finished memorizing yet. The pressure is eating me! I kept thinking of positive things that might happen to our TDR, but the negative ones, just kept on popping into my head. What if the judge would hate us? What if I forget my lines? What if all goes wrong? See? I am so pessimistic. At one in the afternoon. We were all dressed up already. My body temperature is decreasing. My feet felt numb on my gladiator shoes. Fast forward to three in the afternoon. The other section was done. It was our turn.

The introduction was starting. My body temperature decreased to zero degrees. I could feel my face going whiter and whiter. While I was acting, I kept telling myself, “Don’t you dare forget your lines!” After my part, I was so relieved that I did not trip on the words. My classmates were whispering loudly to each other on what to do next. But wait. It was more than that. They were shouting. I can’t help doing the same. I hoped it couldn’t be heard outside. Some of our props bumped on each other and it made a loud noise. The curtains were not that smooth and the lights as well. When we reached scene three, I forgot my lines, but luckily, Alice, who was playing Esther, kind of memorized some of my parts and so she whispered them to me. In the middle of our TDR, we were all losing hope. My classmates said that our grade would surely be an NI. Some said, “No, it would be worse than that. U.” I couldn’t agree more. I just patted their backs, and tried to tell them that everything would be fine, when everything seems so wrong. In the end, we were called for company call. I just wished that I could cover my ears. I can’t bear to hear our score. The critique, Mrs. Catalina Salgado, told us that our play was beautiful. We were like, “What?!” She said that our actors were excellent. She told me that I have a good diction. I have voice projection. Moreover, between the pauses of her compliments, I was like, “What?! Are those true?” In the end, she told us our grade and it was a VS! As if, there was no tomorrow, we jumped for joy. Shocking it was. Those two letters just made our day complete.

RECAP. part 2

The Rehearsals

One month to go before play day.
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. As the clock bonged to midnight, ‘unbelievable’ was the only word I can think of. And maybe the only one I can utter for the meantime. I can’t sleep that night. I was just replaying the motions of classes and particularly play practices in my mind. Our life is now abnormal. With that I meant, going home past four thirty in the afternoon. With that too, I meant sleeping past midnight. Ha! A change in lifestyle. Anyway, I was surprised that before we started the real rehearsals, we had some theater exercises. It was fun doing some. It ended early because we were losing time. We still need to practice twenty-two scenes! For one month! Seriously?


We’ve practiced the first scene for the umpteenth time while we haven’t practiced the rest. Our props were almost finished. Our technical script is still “under construction”. In any case, squabbles and arguments still happened. Of course, it did. Misunderstanding made our bond as a class stronger, but it also made us waste time. I felt that we hated one another. That’s why, we can’t move on with what we were doing. We were holding grudges in our hearts. And some were holding “huffs”. So, I was wondering all the time, “What will happen to our play? Most likely, to our class? Will we stay as one, until the end of the year? They just consumed it all. Our work became slower and slower. It also became tedious. But with heart-to-heart talks, it became faster. In the case of the rehearsals, tiring is one of the best words to describe it. My normally black-brown eyes lost the glow in them. They’re just blank. During classes, I can’t hear teachers lecturing. Instead I was dreaming. Every Saturday we went to school to rehearse. At first, we were really into practicing seriously, as in not wasting time, but later, I can’t help but join childhood games with the rest of the class. It took my breath away. The clock was ticking. Yes, we were losing time. But to me and to them, why not have some break? Some fun?

RECAP. part 1

These are what I experienced in our Playfest 2010...
Let's start from the very beginning, a very good place to start....

The Preparations

I cannot take it anymore. It is killing me. Seriously. The excitement was surging within me. My heart with its rhythmic rising and falling was beating hard. It was so loud that a while ago; I looked outside our classroom, wondering, who is playing the drum. Sweat was forming on my forehead. My back was aching. My hands were freezing cold. I wanted to run, to scream. To let out the tremendous excitement I was feeling. This cannot be replaced. The most anticipated event of the year was here. Finally. I don’t know why I was so eager with starting the play festivals. It’s imprinted in me, I guess. Without hesitating, my friends and I started to look for a play. An Asian play, that is. I have to admit, it was hard. I’ve read at least five plays and none was pleasing to my satisfaction. I’ve pondered on reading Philippine plays, but I knew that my classmates would like something different. I, too, would like that. We have researched for plays again but it ended with nothing. Before I considered giving up, one of my friends came up with a brilliant idea. She told us that one of our choices could be, Anastasia! Yes, Anastasia! Why not? That would be so COOL. When she gave that idea, I was immediately stuck with it. I am sure that my classmates would agree. And I can’t help but think of it, day and night.


Disappointed was I. Not only that, but I was also thwarted by fate. It was hard to believe it. We haven’t told the class yet of our play choices when the other section already got the play, Anastasia! I have to admit, I was really torn to pieces. I was angry. But I can’t do anything but to accept it. It was already done. Anyway, we presented our play choices to our classmates, but we did not choose yet. The entire CAE period, I kept thinking of Anastasia. Why was it chosen by the other section? Why, why, why? I was so depressed that I did not hear Mr. Guintivano, talking. I just stared at him blankly. Fortunately, my seatmate nudged me in the ribs. Then, I realized, he was presenting the biblical story, Esther. And it just hit me like volleyball in P.E. class. This is it. This could be it. Of all the books, I’ve read (containing plays), of all the surfing in the net, our chosen play was just in the Bible, waiting to be discovered. God is really good.


The Auditions

The script was done. It’s time for the auditions. As the play day was fast approaching, we were hand in hand with our props. The auditions took place at the St. Anne’s Hall. There were at least eighteen characters or more in our play. The only role I auditioned was Esther’s uncle, Mordecai. A role that I liked and I believed I could portray well. It is not hard for me too deepen my voice like a man. Like an old man. When I auditioned, I took at least a thousand breaths and exhaled them all. My knuckles went white as I held onto my skirt. My throat was dry. I stammered with the words for I was nervous, but of course, I got the part. Well, because, it was only I, who auditioned for the role. Anyway, I felt glad that I auditioned not because someone forced me to do so. I don’t want people treating me like a robot. I’m certainly not like one. Plus, they’re not my remote control. Because if they were, they will only be frustrated with me. It’s not my fault anyway. They used me. I’m just sorry if I can’t please everybody. Nevertheless, as I observed my classmates auditioning for the roles, I realized that our class was jam-packed with splendid artists. This would go on great, I guess.

Same old, same old...

Deadline. The word itself makes me feel dead. It's as if Death is swallowing me whole. I remembered one of my teachers in my elementary school say, "I don't want to give a deadline for this project because the word itself is not nice." Well, I couldn't agree more. She was right. But look at me today, I am not organized. I am always panicking, cramming, and screaming and just, well running fast to keep up with things. Ha! Great teacher she was. Anyway, the feeling is really lovely when every time teachers would give the project months before the deadline. Well, because of I could make my project worthy for a high score. In truth, it's because I could have a lot of time, procrastinating. But now, if only you could see me! Nothing has change in me, physically, except for the fact that my normally black-brown eyes have no glow in them anymore. Well for my mentality? Nothing too, I guess because I am still me. The girl panicking, cramming, and screaming and just, well running fast to keep up with things.

Surreal.

I've just read some blogposts, and mostly, they were all about the play festival. They were all about how the playfest was finally over. How the pressure, the anxiety, and all the stress was gone. I still cannot believe it, until now. Maybe I will never believe it. It was all so surreal. Was it only yesterday when we chose our play? Was it only yesterday when we auditioned for the roles? When I was shocked that I will be playing the role of Florante, and relieved when I was playing the role of Mordecai? When we had arguments and disagreements in the classroom?When I was complaining about how tired I was with our play practices? When we were doing the props? The script? Everything that has to do with the plays? Was it only yesterday? Was it?

And now that I think of it, time really flies fast. Sometimes, all I wonder was all about how everything I do seems like a blur. Well, it is a blur actually. A while ago, we were just attending Mass, then the next thing I knew, I was eating dinner. Frequently, I feel that I have much time. A lot of time.

Anyway, I am filled with mixed emotions. I feel happy that the burden was over. Finally. I feel sad and I miss our play practices already. But the dominant emotion inside of me now, is nervousness. Uneasiness is bugging me and it's really exasperating. Regular classes makes the big knot in my stomach much larger than a basketball.