DREAMS

Thanks for the advice, photobucket.... :))

FREE.

Am I like her? Free of anything? Not afraid to express my feelings, my worries, my emotions, my dreams? Not hesitating to get out of my shell? Am I like her, serene and undisturbed? Maybe, in some ways, yes. But, I hope I'll be completely free.

Here's the thing.

The thing is, I think I might die from thinking too much of how our CAF play will be tomorrow. Seriously. I think I might die from thinking of negative things. Okay, so I am really trying to nourish my mind with positive things, but the negative ones just keep popping into my head. The feeling is really different. My heart beats so fast as I type, that a while ago, I looked outside, wondering who's playing the drum. My stomach keeps on churning and churning and churning. My throat is sore from practicing. I am really washed-out.

It's 1:30 in my clock now. I'm sweating so hard, even if I only took a bath minutes ago. So, here's the thing, I might die of too much worrying. Well, okay, not really die, but maybe, passed out. I know, I know, I am overreacting and paranoid of things, but you don't know what the feeling is like.

Babbling Nonsense...

TDRs are done. But the torture is not done. Yet. The two days are fast approaching. The days I'm dreading too much. It feels like yesterday was only our first play. It feels like yesterday was when anxiety, fear, concern and worry overwhelmed me too much. But then again, it would be gone, right? It would go away.

Right now, I feel like having a one-year vacation. Make that two. These past months just made me restless and weak. I guess everyone was too. Now, instead of procrastinating, I need to practice my lines and particularly my acting parts.

So help me God. :))

Nights Without Forty Winks.

I was having a very nice dream when a black figure woke me. It was my sister. Her face was lighted by the pale moonlight. She looked ghastly.

"What is it, now?" I asked angrily.

"Come with me." She whispered and went out of the door. I did not move because this is some sort of a prank she's playing on me. Again. She just ruined the perfect dream I was having. Usually, when she wakes me up in the middle of the night, she just asks me to accompany her to the bathroom. Gosh, like someone would eat her there. I went inside of the covers and did not mind her again. But just I was retrieving the dream in my mind, I heard a whisper again.

"Come with me." This time it was faint.

"Oh, c'mon! Somebody wants to sleep peacefully! It's still dark. So, just shut up and go back to bed. And that's an order." Whew. I hope I sounded like mama.

"Come with me."

I put my hands to my ears and hummed a tune. But, it was no use, because the three words were playing in my head. "Okay, okay, okay, I'll come! But, where?" I looked at her and her face really shone in the moonlight. She looked different. Too different. It's as if, she went to a parlor or something. Maybe more than that. To a dermatologist's clinic, perhaps? She looked beautiful.

"Are you on a date? What are you wearing?" I asked as I looked at her from head to toe. She wore a mini white dress. A crown of leaves was on top of her head. Glass slippers were on her feet.

"Come with me." She said it again. Okay. Are these the only words she can utter? Normally, she's like a parrot. Well, a parrot actually. Anyway, to end this early, I decided to follow her. "Have you done something wrong?" I asked. But she only shook her head. She opened the door and it revealed not the hallway, but...mountains, fields...and waterfalls. They were...awesome! Where the heck am I?

"Where the heck are we, Christine?" I asked her, but she only smiled at me, revealing pearly white teeth. Everything around us felt like magic. She, then led me to a cliff. For a long moment, we were just there.

"Okay, is something suppose to be happening here?" She answered me with just a smile again and then, she just jumped off the cliff with a splash! But, don't worry, she's still alive. In the water were my father, mother and sisters. They were all happy and together they looked at me.

"Jump, Celine! Jump!" Pauline shouted as the sky turned really blue.

"But, I'm afraid. What if I break a neck? A leg? A hand? A nose? Or what if I bump my head on a stone? On a very large stone?"

"Come now, darling. Why be afraid? None of those terrible things will happen to you! I promise." My mama said. "Yes, we promise. Come down now." My father joined in.

"But, what will happen if I do not jump?"

"Come now. You don't wanna miss the fun, do you?" Regine quipped as the sky turned to bloody red. "Jump...NOW! Jump now...!"

Someone was pushing me really hard, but I tried not to give in. I looked at my back and saw that the beautiful sceneries changed into horrifying ones. I was scared and frightened. Every thing beautiful turned chaotic. My family were wailing like banshees. I was just so afraid that I thought it was the end of me. But then, before anything else, my father, looking like he just woke up, was in front of me, saying, "Celine. Celine. Wake up!"

Yes. I was dreaming. My arms were in front of me. I was standing and behind my father was a flight of stairs. Sleepwalking was what I was doing the whole night. This was the first.

Let's get this over with

It's 8: 30 in the evening. One night to go before tomorrow. A few hours before the moment I am dreading too much. I can't think of anything worthy to post now. I'm just really nervous for tomorrow. As in, jumpy and panicky and tense and all of the words you can relate with the word nervous. I can already feel a large knot forming inside me. I am sick. So sick.

What if I forget my lines? What if I forget what to do next? What if the judge would hate us, especially me? What if everything goes wrong tomorrow? Oh, this is making me feel much worse. I'm attracting negative energies. Okay, okay. No need to be so paranoid. I am now thinking of good and positive things. Everything would go right. Everything would go according to plan. Besides, we've practiced many times already, so, why in the world, would I worry?

Of course, I have to worry! This thing has been killing me for the past months. It made me exhausted and everything. So, if everything would go wrong, I would be really sad. And don't forget angry.

I can't turn away from this. Not anymore. So, let's get this over with. I know that I'm just wasting time attracting negative energies when I'm supposed to be practicing! Tomorrow, I will do my best and nothing more.

So help me God.

On. Off. On. Off.

If you can just see me now, you might think I'm some crazy person on the street. I have dark shadows under my eyes. My hair's messy. My face is pale. I'm just dog-tired that's what it is. But, seeing Brad Pitt, everything is different. There's no denying it, Brad Pitt is heaven. I just feel so happy and at peace. With one look in his eyes, the world is changed. And then look at his...

Great. Just great. So, here's the thing. I was just watching, Troy, (Brad Pitt!!) when all of a sudden, everything just went dark. Why did it happen? Well, it's because of the stupid blackout. Aaarrggh!!! My blood's boiling hot. I just want to scream! At a perfect time like this, at a time wherein I'm in heaven, this is the time that PECO has stolen from me!

I stand up and tumble over things in our house. I am scratched and hurt. Anyway, I don't care. I just need to get the flashlight. My only heaven. For now. What do I do without light?

I decide to do my homework. But because of procrastinating, I sleep instead. After half an hour, I wake up and behold, there was...light. "May ilaw na! May ilaw na!" I heard my sisters say. Without a moment's hesitation, I grab the remote control and push the ON button. But, I am not lucky. The lights turn off again! Waaahh!

I want to fall into a dreamless sleep

Here I am once again feeling nothing but tired. It feels again that I am participating in a triathlon. I eat so fast, I sleep so short, it seems that everything I do is a blur. My head's aching, my eyes are closing, my hands are beginning to get numb, my everything just wants to fall into a dreamless sleep.

Well, why not? Of course, the burden is enough, right? I need some rest. Or I could die from tiring myself. They say that when you have a dreamless sleep, your mind does not think of problems (especially Math), and you are just so happy and emotionally healthy. In other words, you are at peace. But the thing is, my mind does the opposite. I hope Cinderella does not really mean that, "Dreams do come true." Because, if she really does then, I'd rather die than face my weird nightmares of terrifying monsters.

Well, good thing that tonight I have something in mind to post, though I'm sleeping already. Perhaps, this is a dream. Anyway, tomorrow is a new day again. A new day that would be filled with lessons, tests, and practices. A new day with joys and sorrows. A new day to be thankful. A new day to complain and complain all over again. Last description? A new day wherein I'll say, (out loud) "I am tired!"